Scrambling (Out in the NFL Book 1) Read online

  “Same old, same old.” Reed shrugged almost defensively, and his glance slid away from Evan’s. He ran down what appeared to be a laundry list of issues. “Len wants me to run his family’s hotels after graduation. He doesn’t want me to join the NFL. He’s tired of hiding our relationship. He hates it when I’m on the road with the team and busy training. He hates everything to do with football. I don’t know how he’s managed to put up with it for four years. He really, really hates football.”

  “He loves you.” The words nearly scalded Evan’s tongue, but he had to say them. No matter what he personally thought of Lennox, no matter how much he resented and hated the man, Len had stuck by Reed all through college. Most men wouldn’t have put up with being someone’s partner only behind closed doors. And while Len bitched and whined about it constantly, at least he stayed with Reed. Evan reluctantly gave Len kudos for that even though he personally questioned just how happy Reed could really be under those conditions.

  “Yeah. I guess he does really love me.” Reed’s voice sounded almost wistful which made Evan wonder what the hell his best friend wasn’t telling him.

  Later that night, after both of them had gotten drunk on celebration champagne, Evan staggered to his feet, stumbling into the kitchen area of their suite for a bottle of water. A warm hand descended on his shoulder.

  “Oh, no, you don’t. It’s a party!” Reed told him jovially.

  Evan shook his head. “I’m done. I’m trashed.”

  Reed turned him around and eyed him critically. “Okay. We have to face the press tomorrow, so I guess you need some sleep. Bed for you, buddy boy.”

  Evan groaned and dropped his head to the granite countertop. He didn’t want to face the press in the morning. He just wanted to go home. Dealing with the press was his least favorite thing about football.

  “C’mon, big guy.” Reed laughed as he tucked his arm around Evan and helped him across the suite. “How tall are you again?” he teased, even though he knew exactly how tall Evan was. Their sizes were a long-running joke between them which had begun in their teens when Evan shot up faster than Reed.

  “Six-six,” Evan grunted as he stumbled on the carpet. “Two ninety. You’re a shrimp next to me. You always were. Shrimp, shrimp, shrimp.”

  Reed made a rude noise. “Am not. You only have two inches and forty pounds on me.”

  “That’s a fucking shitload of weight,” Evan slurred. “I could toss you like a football.”

  A laugh escaped Reed as he maneuvered Evan toward a bedroom door. “You wouldn’t dare. I’m now worth thirty-five million dollars, and that five-million-dollar signing bonus I’m getting is gonna buy me the hottest fucking car on the planet.”

  Evan blew a raspberry at his best friend. “Fuck you, Matthews. My contract is for more than yours. I’m worth forty fucking million dollars, asshole.”

  “Yeah, so what? Your signing bonus is only three million dollars,” Reed jeered as he opened the bedroom door. He helped Evan to the side of the bed and stripped the covers down.

  The room spun a little as Reed tugged off Evan’s dress shirt and pulled down his slacks. Evan clutched at Reed’s broad shoulders as his friend knelt to remove his shoes. Looking down into Reed’s amused face, which was level with Evan’s crotch, Evan could almost imagine Reed going down on him. His cock stirred in his boxer briefs. Even in his inebriated state, he knew that was dangerous.

  Twisting, he fell onto the bed and away from Reed. He rolled to his side, letting his thigh flop over and cover his now half-hard cock. The mattress dipped as Reed sat down beside him. Long fingers brushed his hair back from his face.

  “We’re pretty lucky, you and I. We’ve got great careers to look forward to, and we have each other. Fifteen years and counting, buddy,” Reed whispered. “I couldn’t do this without you, Evan. Not any of it.”

  Unbidden, his tongue loosened by the alcohol, Evan said, “I love you, Reed.”

  His best friend smiled gently, his fingers still in Evan’s hair. “I love you too.”

  And then Reed was gone, and Evan lay in the dark, cock throbbing, heart aching and tears rising to his eyes. The words he’d spoken had come from his heart, the heart that had always belonged to Reed, from the moment he’d realized he was gay at age sixteen. His friend might have thought the words had no romantic connotation, but Evan knew better.

  He reached into his underwear and wrapped his fist around his cock. He stroked it, thinking of the moment Reed had knelt at his feet. He imagined Reed pulling his briefs down, his mouth opening to lick the precum from the tip of Evan’s cock. And then he’d open his mouth wider and suck the entire thing in, deep throating Evan’s hardened flesh.

  With a groan, Evan’s hand sped up, keeping time with the fantasy in his head of Reed sucking his cock like a kid with a popsicle. In and out, tongue swirling, moans vibrating in his throat and along the length of Evan’s erection. A hand cupped his balls as they tightened, preparing to shoot their load. Evan bit down on his lip to stop himself from screaming Reed’s name as he came, spurting hot semen over his belly and chest.

  He sucked air into his tortured lungs, his mind fuzzy from the alcohol, his body still aching for Reed’s. Evan stared at the dark ceiling and wondered how he could have achieved so much when it came to football and so little when it came to life. A tear rolled from the corner of his eye down toward his hairline and ear. Another followed. And later when he heard Len and Reed in the bedroom next door, moans and the distinctive if faint sounds of fucking making their way through the walls, more tears fell.

  Evan pulled one pillow over his head to shut out the sound of the man he loved fucking someone else. He buried his face in the other pillow and sobbed, letting all his anguish out. Forty million dollars didn’t mean shit to him. He would give it all just to have Reed say the same four words he’d said earlier and mean them with all his heart.

  That moment cemented his determination to come out. He couldn’t have Reed, the man he’d been in love with for years. It was a secret he’d probably carry to his grave since Reed didn’t feel the same way about him. But he was tired of secrets, and it was time to come out of the closet. The conviction grew that the only way he’d have a chance at enjoying life was if he came out. Being out and playing football were the only two things on Evan’s agenda as he entered this new phase of his life. And the PR director for the Los Angeles Stars would be the first person he came out to.

  The meeting with Darcy Jensen left Evan feeling fairly positive. She hadn’t shot them down, which he’d been fully expecting. In fact, he got the impression she viewed their wanting to come out as a challenge to her PR skills. Evan began to feel that if anyone could make things happen in the right way, it would be Darcy. Her reaction to their confession and request had left Evan with the unshakable sense that he’d made the right decision. The only thing he wasn’t sure about was who they were meeting for dinner, but his gut told him whoever it was would know exactly what he and Reed had confessed to Darcy.

  Evan and Reed headed into the Valley riding a wave of hopefulness. Reed drove his new Escalade since Evan’s beat-up pickup wouldn’t pass muster in upscale Sherman Oaks. Both of them were dressed in expensive designer suits, just as they’d been for the draft. Their tiepins were Stars logos. Evan had never felt comfortable in a suit before, but he wore the Stars pin with pride and a sense of accomplishment. His love and dedication to the game had earned him that pin and his place on the team. He didn’t take their faith in him lightly, so whoever Darcy had sent to meet them would hold his full attention.

  The hostess took one look at them and smiled as if she knew them. “Right this way,” she told them, leading them to a secluded table far from the other patrons. The table had a great view of the entire restaurant while affording them privacy to talk. The hostess handed them menus and set a third menu at the empty seat.

  “Your guest will be arriving shortly,” she said. “Meanwhile, the waiter will take your drink orders. Enjoy your m
eal.”

  She walked away and was instantly replaced with a waiter who took their orders for nothing more alcoholic than iced tea. He had just brought their tea when a tall, blond man entered the restaurant. He joked with the hostess for a moment, then headed right for them.

  Evan’s breath caught in his throat. It was Bryce Richardson, a former number one draft pick, Heisman winner, and pro football player with two Super Bowl rings. He was also retired from the NFL, was a renowned motivational speaker, and owned a shopping mall in Florida that reportedly raked in the bucks. And he was gay.

  A gorgeous smile crossed Bryce’s face as he sat down at their table. “I’m very happy to meet the two of you,” he said in a deep voice, his pale gray eyes filled with sincerity. “Darcy’s told me all about you, but I’d already seen you both on TV. You’re going to be amazing assets to the team.”

  “Are you one of the owners?” Evan asked shrewdly.

  Bryce nodded. “I am. It’s a sound investment, especially for someone who loves the game as much as I do.”

  Leaning back in his chair, Reed stared hard at Bryce. “I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say that Darcy told you why we were in her office today.”

  “She did, but only because I’m one of the owners. She takes confidentiality seriously. But let’s order, and then we can talk,” Bryce suggested with another suave smile.

  Evan perused his menu, thinking all the while about Darcy sending Bryce to talk to them. He wanted to think it was a positive thing, but he knew Bryce had some unpleasant coming out stories. He remembered seeing some of them in the tabloids and newspapers. And the guy hadn’t even come out as a player. He’d done it as soon as he retired, but there had still been backlash about him and another player, Joss Aldean. It had faded quickly when neither man rose to the media bait and other news about them had bigger shockwaves. Bryce took up with a gay country singer, and Joss Aldean checked into Betty Ford. Apparently, being coupled with a big celebrity and having an alcohol problem were bigger news than being gay.

  Once the waiter had taken their orders, Bryce sat back in his chair, nursing his scotch. “What you guys want to do is unprecedented,” he said finally with a little shake of his head. “But it’s gutsy. Going to Darcy is probably the best thing you could have done because she is damned good at what she does, and if anyone can turn this into something positive, it’s her.”

  Evan leaned forward, elbows on the table. He focused on Bryce, wanting the man to know everything about his desire to come out. “It’s not as gutsy as you think. Living in the closet requires a certain level of courage in this day and age because you’re bombarded with evidence that everywhere else in the world, it’s okay to be out. Personally, I would rather be my authentic self and fight the homophobia openly rather than continue to hide my sexuality and my relationships. I know what a strain being in the closet has been for Reed and his partner. I don’t want that for myself, and I think he deserves to be able to tell the world his truth.”

  “I have to agree that being in the closet has been rough,” Reed said, looking from Evan to Bryce. “My partner is out, and he hates hiding our relationship.”

  Bryce made a face. “I understand, believe me. But this isn’t the NCAA we’re talking about. This is the NFL. You guys probably could have come out in college, and it wouldn’t have impacted your future nearly as much as it does now you’ve signed with the NFL. The Stars may want you, but there are no guarantees that any other team will consider taking you when your career with this team comes to an end.”

  “That is why we need Darcy. This isn’t the eighties. People aren’t dying of AIDS, and HIV isn’t as prevalent as it once was. Being gay doesn’t have the stigma it used to have,” Evan insisted. “I think the time is ripe to turn this into a positive media strike. And I think Darcy thinks so too although she didn’t say so.”

  A smile quirked Bryce’s lips. “You’re very perceptive. She does think she can turn this into a positive thing for both the team and the NFL. However, she’s pretty sure the two of you are going to come under fire from other players, probably on other teams more than your own. And the media will eat you up.”

  Reed snorted in disgust. “Let’s hope they get indigestion.”

  They all laughed, and the conversation was suspended for a few minutes as the waiter brought their meals. As they ate, Bryce asked them when they’d become aware of being gay and how that had affected them playing football. Evan and Reed answered his questions easily. Reed seemed to have no trouble talking to Bryce about his relationship with Len, and Evan could see the former quarterback taking it all in. He could also see a slightly flirtatious manner surface when Bryce spoke to him. Evan’s gaydar usually sucked, but he was pretty sure Bryce was interested in him.

  Beneath the table, a big foot nudged his. His gaze flew to Bryce’s, and he watched those pale gray eyes gleam with interest. He suppressed a shiver. It had been a long time since he’d been with anyone, and despite his unrequited love for Reed, he could feel his body responding to the signals Bryce sent him. The former player was at least a decade older than Evan, his body still as lean and hard as when he’d played, his face craggy but handsome with a pair of irresistible dimples, and a head of expensively layered white-blond hair splashing rakishly onto his forehead.

  During dessert and coffee, Bryce let them know what they could look forward to if they decided to come out publically. Besides a big media storm that would encompass traditional press, television, and tabloids, Bryce said they could expect to garner press from the LGBTQ+ community and civil rights organizations too. They would become the poster children for athletes coming out as well as the face of the new Los Angeles Stars and the changing NFL. They would be asked about their sexual orientation and coming out more than they would be asked about football.

  “Do you think you can stand the heat? The focus won’t be on football anymore, and I know you guys love the game more than anything else.” Bryce eyed them with a small frown. “It’s hard to play well with that much media attention and with a shitload of resentful and hateful vibes coming from other players. Are you sure you can handle it? And do you really, truly want to?”

  Reed nodded instantly despite the fact that he’d originally been more cautious and fearful of coming out than Evan had. Apparently, once the advantages had become clear to him, he’d embraced the idea of being the first openly gay NFL player. And it couldn’t hurt his relationship with Len either, Evan thought with a flash of bitterness.

  “We want this, Bryce. Will the franchise support us?” Reed asked, getting to the heart of the whole matter. They both knew that if the team wouldn’t back them, they couldn’t do it.

  “I think they will,” Bryce replied, running one long finger around the rim of his coffee cup. “We have a lot of faith in Darcy, and if she thinks she can turn your coming out to the team’s advantage, we will support her decision. Diversity and inclusion are one of our primary focuses to keep this franchise forward thinking and invested in the future. Right now, the team needs press, good press. We need money and good players and a good solid season. My partners and I put together this package very carefully. We got the right investors, the right coach, the right facilities, and we’ve put out some serious money for the right players. We intend to start strong and within seven years achieve a championship team.”

  Evan’s brows shot up in surprise. “Ambitious,” he commented.

  Bryce flashed a brilliant smile that Evan felt right down to the soles of his feet. “You better believe it.” He looked from Evan to Reed. “So if Darcy gives you the go-ahead, you’re going to do it?”

  Reed stared hard into Evan’s eyes, and Evan could see the determination blazing in the dark depths of Reed’s gaze. For a moment, he flashed back to his fantasy on the night of the draft, where he’d imagined Reed staring at him as he sucked Evan’s cock. He suppressed a shiver, and his resolve hardened. He nodded slightly, and Reed said, “We are.”

  Admiration shone in Bry
ce’s eyes and in his smile. “You two are amazing both on and off the field. I wish you both the best of luck. And I will do everything I can to help you.”

  Just then Reed’s phone beeped, and he opened it, checking his text messages. “I’ve got to go. Len’s not feeling well,” he said with a frown.

  Evan made a move to rise, but Bryce laid a hand on his arm. “I can take Evan home if you need to leave.”

  Reed smiled gratefully. “That would be helpful.” He patted Evan’s shoulder. “You don’t mind, do you, buddy?” When Evan automatically shook his head, Reed looked relieved. “Great. I’ll call you tomorrow, Ev.”

  Moments later, Reed’s tall form left the restaurant, and Evan could feel the hot slide of Bryce’s gaze over his face. He fiddled nervously with his coffee cup, knowing what was coming next and not sure how he wanted to respond. He’d made the decision to come out, to enter his career telling the world Evan McAdam’s truth. Now came the true test of that decision, where he let go of his childhood dream, setting aside the fantasies of being with Reed. The one he’d had on the night of the draft would be his last, he vowed. Reed wasn’t for him. But maybe, just maybe, Bryce or someone else was.

  A warm hand covered his, and he looked up into Bryce’s smiling face. Lust curled darkly in the depths of the man’s gray eyes. Over the years, he’d had to compartmentalize his heart. Reed remained the unattainable, his forever love, the man who would always own his soul. But Evan’s body had needs, and Bryce sat before him, a beautiful, intelligent, athletic man who wanted him.

  “Is there a fraternization policy in my contract?” he asked Bryce.

  A low chuckle heated his groin. “No. You can fuck anyone you want from the ball boys to Darcy to the partners,” Bryce replied in a low, seductive voice.

  “I haven’t seen the ball boys so I’ve no idea if I’d find them attractive, and Darcy isn’t my type.” Evan smiled at their banter. He relaxed as he realized it would happen between him and Bryce. All he had to do was say yes. “Do you think I should make a play for one of the partners?”